Who Should Be Cast?

With the third season of The White Lotus officially winding down, we’re left with a sinking, desperate feeling: What if we never see Victoria Ratliff again? The matriarch, played with aplomb by Parker Posey, is the unmistakable breakout of the season, and she has the TikTok trend to prove it. So, what … we’re just supposed to go without her? “I’ve heard rumors of them doing an all-star season,” Patrick Schwarzenegger told The Hollywood Reporter on April 2 ahead of the season finale. “They could get all the douche guys in one hotel together. Mike said that one day when we were on set, he was like, ‘Oh my God, it’d be so good to get you, Jake Lacy, and Theo James in the same room.’” Plus, Mike White is a veteran of both The Amazing Race and Survivor. He understands the value of a good All-Stars. As such, here are our picks for The White Lotus all-stars season (Thailand picks pending, ya know, the upcoming death).

The White Lotus girlie is a time-honored tradition at this point: Every season features at least three incredibly hot young women. With that in mind, we tried to keep a mix of both blondes and brunettes (very important) when picking our favorites.

– Olivia Mossbacher (Sydney Sweeney): season one, Hawai’i
– Daphne Sullivan (Meghann Fahy): season two, Italy
– Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood): season three, Thailand

We’ll trust douche experts Mike White and Patrick Schwarzenegger on this one.

– Shane Patton (Jake Lacy): season one, Hawai’i
– Cameron Sullivan (Theo James): season two, Italy
– Saxon Ratliff (Patrick Schwarzenegger): season three, Thailand

The ideal parent at The White Lotus is one that is physically incapable of having a conversation with their child and/or their child’s spouse without it going poorly or them saying something wrong.

– Kitty Patton (Molly Shannon): season one, Hawai’i
– Dominic Di Grasso (Michael Imperioli): season two, Italy
– Victoria Ratliff (Parker Posey): season three, Thailand

This is objectively the one that makes the least amount of sense to bring to a new location, but we, uhhhh … don’t care! Bring ’em anyway! If Belinda is in Thailand, then locals can go anywhere.

– Kai (Kekoa Kekumano): season one, Hawai’i
– Lucia Greco (Simona Tabasco): season two, Italy
– Mook (Lisa): season three, Thailand

Hey, not everybody fits into a clear archetype! That doesn’t mean we don’t want to see them again! Even Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge), who unfortunately cannot return corporeally, is in this category.

– Dillon (Lukas Gage): season one, Hawai’i
– Albie Di Grasso (Adam DiMarco): season two, Italy
– Laurie (Carrie Coon): season three, Thailand