Children’s Day 2025: Are Today’s Parents Choosing To Be ‘Cool’ Over Being Strict?

Last Updated:November 14, 2025, 13:57 IST

Modern “approval-seeking” parents value warmth and freedom over rules, but does trying to be a ‘cool’ friend risk shifting the traditional balance of parental authority?

Children’s Day is a time to celebrate children and the small joys that make their everyday lives meaningful. It is also an opportunity to reflect on how parents nurture, guide, and connect with their children. Many parents have explored approaches such as gentle parenting, which emphasise on connection, communication, and choice within safe boundaries by relinquishing traditional authority in favour of cultivating friendship. Rather than issuing firm guidance, parents are now seeking their children’s approval. Rather than commanding respect, they strive to be the ‘cool’ parent. What once was a firm parental hand now often feels more like a gentle invitation.

This is not merely a parenting fad, growing evidence from recent years suggests that an increasing number of modern parents prioritise emotional connection and approval over rules and discipline. A recent scoping review found that parenting styles are being reshaped in the social‑media era, with permissive and emotionally responsive approaches becoming more common. At the same time, foundational research continues to affirm that the most balanced style authoritative parenting, which combines warmth with structure, remains uniquely effective in fostering emotional regulation, academic resilience, and social competence.

Why Has Parenting Turned To Approval?

Modern “approval‑seeking” parenting can take many forms. In reality, it often aligns with permissive parenting high in warmth but low in demandingness. Parents encourage dialogue, allow their children significant freedom, avoid punishment, and rarely enforce strict consequences. But there is nuance, many of these parents would reject the label “permissive”, they speak of empathy, partnership, and emotional attunement. They want to be a safe space. They do not want to be dictators; yet, in doing so, the power dynamics of the parent‑child relationship shift.

This style contrasts with authoritarian parenting as practiced in 90’s and early 2000s, which emphasises obedience, control, and fewer explanations, and with authoritative parenting, which balances structure and warmth. Traditional authority may feel old‑fashioned, but for decades it has provided a framework within which children learn boundaries, self‑control, and respect.

The Influence of Social Media and Misinformation on Modern Parenting

One strong driver is the proliferation of parenting advice on social media. A scoping review published in 2025 shows how platforms like Instagram and TikTok shape parenting norms, not always for the better. Many parents rely heavily on influencer content for guidance, but such content can be conflicting, unverified, or overly simplistic. In the UK, the Education Secretary has recently warned that a third of parents lean on social media for parenting advice. That dependence may encourage parents to prioritise approval and likability over structure, because social media rewards relatability more than discipline.

In earlier generations, parents leaned on extended families, grandparents, aunts, uncles for support, correction, and guidance. Today, parents are more likely to lean on friends, peer networks, and online communities. This peer‑based “village” often affirms parenting by emotional connection, reinforcing the idea that being gentle, understanding, and non‑authoritarian is desirable.

For many new parents, the choice is deliberate: they want to break free from the parenting style they experienced. A recent survey of parents with young children found that more than half are consciously abandoning the methods their own parents employed, prioritising emotional strategies like communication, confidence, and regulation over rigid discipline. This “cycle‑breaking” impulse is powerful but it carries its own risks, particularly when unanchored by structure.

What Are Psychological Consequences On Children?

Emotional Regulation and Mental Health

Parenting style is not just a matter of preference: it affects how children regulate their emotions. A 2025 study in the International Journal for Multidisciplinary Research found that permissive parenting correlates with difficulties in emotional regulation. Without firm boundaries, children sometimes internalise anxiety or resort to impulsive behaviour because they have less experience managing frustration.

In a related study, children of permissive parents were more likely to develop problematic coping mechanisms including excessive internet use. This suggests that in the absence of consistent guidance, children may turn to digital outlets to soothe their worries.

Behavioural Challenges

Permissive or lax parenting can also lead to behavioural problems. A longitudinal study in Japan revealed that children raised without consistent discipline showed higher levels of externalising behaviours — for example, acting out and defiance especially among boys. These behaviours may reflect a lack of internalised limits; children have never had clear external limits to internalise.

Social and Academic Life

Meanwhile, authoritative parenting continues to show strong associations with favourable outcomes. Research in the Journal of Education and Health Promotion found that adolescents raised under balanced, democratic parenting styles exhibited higher resilience and better academic performance. That is not surprising, children with structure and warmth tend to feel secure enough to take risks, ask questions, and bounce back from setbacks.

On the contrary, too little boundary-setting can hinder social competence over time. A comprehensive review in 2025 noted that permissive and authoritarian styles are less favourable for long-term socio‑emotional and academic development compared to the authoritative approach.

Coping During Stressful Moments

The impact of parenting style even extends to how children respond in stressful or medical situations. A 2025 observational study found that children aged 4–6 exhibited more anxiety and uncooperative behaviour during dental visits when their parents adopted permissive or lax parenting. When children do not routinely experience firm but caring limits, they may find unfamiliar or stressful situations more frightening.

The Parent’s Dilemma: Approval vs Authority

Many parents built on good intentions. They want to protect their children from the harshness they once experienced. They genuinely want open communication; they value emotional literacy. But as they lean into these values, they sometimes find themselves sidestepping limits: avoiding consequences, negotiating rules endlessly, or simply giving in to maintain harmony.

There is also a social and political dimension. Some critics argue that the retreat from authoritative parenting reflects a broader erosion of respect for authority, not just within families but across institutions. Educators have warned that overly permissive parenting undermines children’s readiness for school and weakens parental influence, with arguments resonating with those who worry that “cool parenting” can slide into abdication.

At the same time, many parents resist the label of being “strict”- they reject the idea of discipline as authoritarian control. They insist they are not giving up on boundaries, they are redefining them. This tension reveals a deeper paradox: in wanting to be loved, parents sometimes risk being ignored.

How Can Parents Strike a Healthier Balance?

If the pendulum has swung too far, how might parents recalibrate? Here are several evidence‑based strategies:

Re-centre on Authoritative Parenting

Effective parenting combines warmth with structure. Parents can establish rules while clearly explaining the reasons behind them, ensuring children understand the purpose of guidance. Consequences should be consistent, yet flexible enough to allow negotiation when appropriate. Open dialogue is important, giving children space to voice concerns while maintaining clear and firm boundaries.

Set Boundaries Around Digital Influence

Parents should approach online parenting advice with caution, recognising that not all influencers are experts. It is important to prioritise evidence-based resources, such as books, peer-reviewed research, and guidance from qualified professionals, rather than relying on viral trends or social media content that may lack credibility or context.

Build a Balanced Support Network

Parents can benefit from restoring a sense of a traditional “village” by leaning on family, community groups, and teachers for guidance and support. While peer networks offer camaraderie and shared experiences, involving professionals such as counsellors or structured parenting programmes ensures that children receive consistent boundaries and guidance, not just validation.

Teach Emotional Regulation

When enforcing rules, parents should model calm and reasoned behaviour, demonstrating consistency and patience. It is important to use age-appropriate discussions to explain the purpose of discipline, helping children understand why rules exist rather than simply expecting obedience. Encouraging children to reflect on their behavior considering what happened, why it happened, and how they might respond differently next time reinforces learning, accountability, and emotional regulation within a supportive environment.

Practice Reflective Parenting

Periodically reassess your parenting style to see if you are seeking your child’s approval more than providing guidance. Be honest about areas where you might be avoiding discomfort, such as conflict or enforcing consequences, and seek feedback not only from your child but also from unbiased sources to gain perspective.

Being the “cool parent” is not inherently wrong but if that coolness comes at the expense of structure, then children may lose more than they gain. The most resilient, emotionally healthy children are rarely those who never face limits: they are those who learn to navigate them. They grow up not just being liked, but being understood and knowing their relationship with their parents is rooted not just in friendship, but in trust and respect.