SINGAPORE – I did not allow my daughter to have access to social media when I gave her a mobile phone at age 13. She was in the minority among her peers, as someone without an Instagram account.

I had read about the risks of social media, including mental health and body image issues, on adolescents and decided to delay giving her access.

Along with the ban, I also enforced screen time limits via a parental control app, but I made sure to explain to her why I did so: I did not want all her free time to be spent on a screen.

I explained to her that it wasn’t me against her, but us against the social media monster, emphasising that it was a delay in access and not a forever ban.

While I do not regret my decision, seeing how she enjoys her hobbies like reading (often on her phone), or drawing and knitting, I often wondered if she felt the same.

She turns 17 in 2026 and recently downloaded Instagram and signed up for an account, so I decided to ask her how she felt about my decision.

Me: How did you feel when I did not allow you to have social media at age 13?

My daughter: Although I didn’t have a choice, I felt quite indifferent, perhaps because not all my close friends had social media.

Me: I was worried you would resent me for it. After two years, I felt you were more ready for social media and offered you access, but why did you decide not to take it up?

My daughter: Though I was older, I did not feel ready to have social media. I felt it would have been addictive, and I would not have the self-control to manage my screen time.

Me: What were your thoughts on social media before you had an account?

My daughter: I kind of knew what went on, so there’s not much excitement of the unknown there. I knew social media was a place for entertainment.

Me: How did your friends’ use of social media affect you before you had your account?

My daughter: Thankfully, my closest friends in secondary school either did not have or were inactive on social media. I never felt like I was missing out.

Me: What was the primary reason you decided to start using social media at 17?

My daughter: A lot of information, such as orientation dates, was disseminated on platforms such as Instagram and Telegram, so to stay in the loop, I decided to start using social media.

Me: What was the first platform you joined and why?

My daughter: I joined Instagram first, as this was the primary platform for announcements and updates from school. It was also the social media platform that my friends most commonly used.

Me: Do you feel that starting later at 17 gave you a different perspective or approach compared with your friends who started earlier?

My daughter: Not really, I think we all mostly see social media as a platform where information is disseminated and somewhere to relax and unwind, for example, by scrolling through reels.

Me: Do you think starting later has been an advantage or a disadvantage for you, and in what ways?

My daughter: Starting later has both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, I have been able to spend more time on my hobbies, such as reading. I even developed new skills, such as knitting and punch needling embroidery. On the other hand, starting later has made me less savvy when it comes to navigating the app.

Me: Have you noticed any differences in how you engage with social media content, for example, in terms of critical thinking or emotional response, compared with friends who have been on the platforms for years?

My daughter: No, I have not noticed any differences.

Me: Do you feel like you missed out by not being on social media during your younger teen years?

My daughter: Yes, I do feel like I missed out on a few social experiences such as concerts. As I did not have social media, I usually had no idea that the artistes I listened to were touring. By the time I found out, tickets would have been sold out. Not being active on social media also meant that I was not as well versed with some pop culture references.

Me: Since joining, how has social media affected your total daily screen time?

My daughter: My screen time has definitely increased, though it is mostly because I do not have school now. I still spend a significant portion of my screen time reading. In fact, I usually resort to scrolling Instagram when I do not have a book to read. If not, I prefer to read books.

Me: How do you manage your screen time? Do you set limits, use tracking apps or rely on self-control?

My daughter: I rely mostly on self-control, though I set alerts to tell me when I have spent an hour on the app.

Me: In terms of content creation versus consumption, where do you spend most of your time?

My daughter: I spend most of my time consuming content.

Me: Have you found it difficult to integrate social media into your life without it taking over time from school, hobbies or face-to-face interactions?

My daughter: Not at all.

Me: What do you think about the mental health effects of social media that are often discussed? Do you feel more or less susceptible to these effects because you started later?

My daughter: I think that the mental health effects of social media are very real and should not be taken lightly. I think I am less susceptible because I’ve been made aware that there are negative side effects of consuming such media and because I generally avoid toxic content.

Despite that, even consuming positive content can sometimes affect you without you realising it. For example, content where people flaunt expensive purchases. I think it is important to remind yourself that we all live different lives and what social media portrays is not always realistic.

Me: How do you curate your feed and who do you follow to ensure your experience remains positive?

My daughter: I prefer content that evokes positive emotions. If I see content that is negative or not to my liking, I usually hit the “do not recommend” button.

Me: What would you tell a younger teen, say, someone who is 13, and just starting out on social media?

My daughter: I would tell him or her that it is okay to wait. He or she shouldn’t feel pressured to be on social media and is not missing out on anything by starting a few years later.

If your friends laugh at you for not having social media, then they aren’t your real friends.

But if the teen truly wants it, I would remind him or her to exercise self-control during school term so there is still time to study.

After hearing her thoughts, I heaved a sigh of relief. I’m glad she did not bear a grudge that I delayed her social media access. I think our frequent conversations helped.

Her decision not to have a social media account even though I relented after two years reassured me that she can make a decision that she feels is right for her.

Information dissemination was something I did not consider. I was just focused on shielding her from the possible negative impact of social media. While that knowledge would not have changed my decision, it might be something for parents to keep in mind.

One of the main reasons she didn’t feel left out was because her closest friends did not have or were inactive on social media. They found other ways to connect and have fun, and I’m thankful for that.

I’m delighted that she still prefers reading books. And while social media may take up more of her time in the future, I am hopeful she will always make time for leisure reading.

Since she got an Instagram account, we have been having fun sending each other reels and memes, just like I do with her elder brother.

And I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she sets an alert for her social media usage.

At 17, she is better able to discern and handle the ills of Instagram compared with when she was 13.